Embrace Your Potential

Last month I found myself on a public speaking course thinking Why! Why the hell am I doing this to myself?  Paying a whack of money to do something that fills me with horror?

Other people don’t put themselves through this kind of ordeal. If I wanted a weekend of self-development what about sitting in an ice bucket or doing some yoga in Spain, in the sun. Instead here I am, my voice tight, my breathing shallow and my thoughts jumbled.

I hate the idea of public speaking. This isn’t unusual, for many of us it’s up there with spiders and heights as one of our biggest fears. Yet here I was, facing it head on.

Does This Count As Fun?  

There were 11 women on the course and we were asked to do a reflection exercise. We rated areas of our lives on a scale of one to ten to see how we were doing in each, things like relationships, work, home and health. For most of us, one of the lowest rated categories was play - how much getting out and having fun we were having.

For me, this was because ‘play’ had been replaced (temporarily) by a drive for personal development, to become the human I was born to be, before self-judgement set in. Right now I am being driven by my curiosity. I want to see what I can be if I stop the self-sabotage that has kept me small. I want to be able to look back and know I gave it my best shot, that I worked to be the best version of myself.

Over the last five years this has inspired me to retrain, start my own business, even venture into stand-up comedy. Crazy stuff.

It has been a leap of faith, and one that needed me to tackle the thing that has kept me from landing squarely and soundly in my new career. The fear of speaking up. A fear of being seen, of being me and showing that to people. It has held me back in so many ways.

But I am being pushed on by what I want to achieve - a need to explain who I am, what my business is about and to offer my skills to support others.

Keep Practicing

Roll on to this week and I find myself at Chester Toastmasters public speaking group. Yes, anxiety is still high but I have found a safe place. A place I can practice, be awkward, get things wrong and all I get back is encouragement.

See, I knew where my issues with public speaking came from, I knew the reasons… but that changes nothing. Understanding ‘why’ doesn’t always make the problem go away.

What I needed was the bravery and the self-compassion to take the next step – to start practicing! 

Practicing new behaviours takes courage and we need to be kind to ourselves as we go. To be kind enough not to judge ourselves ten times more harshly than anyone else ever would. With self-compassion, instead of sinking into a shame bubble, I can pick myself up, dust myself down and try again.

This has called for a shift at every level for me - heart, mind and soul. Taking my mind from criticism to wisdom, my heart from judgement to compassion and my gut from fear to courage. With these aligned, the fear is still there but I am ready to take the steps to try something different, to push my comfort zone and widen my tolerance for new situations. To practice without needing to be perfect.

Take Action

Self-development isn’t just about thinking, talking and understanding. It needs action. Letting the spotlight fall on me was tough - talking in front of people sent me into fight or flight panic mode. As women we are socialised to put others first, to be the enabler. We are not used to standing up and saying who we are, what we do, what we are passionate about.

But we need to add our voices and our skills to the mix. Our experience and knowledge is needed. We are needed.

Let Go of Old Beliefs

So my practice continues. I will be speaking at Ignited this September with my colleague Andrea Peers as Healthy Minds Matter CIC. Our work supports everyday mental health in our communities. It is important work and to do that I need to be able to speak in public!

So I continue to push my boundaries and try new things because it is here that the real lessons lie. It is in these moments that some of our more unhelpful beliefs about ourselves and the world are exposed. We can see their outdated logic. The truisms we arrived at when we were 5, with no control over our physical, psychological or emotional safety. They made sense then, but once we see through them, it is time to stop letting them hold us back.

Then the next step is ours to take.